There comes a time when two people are no longer compatible. It’s evident and often ignored. Yet, you might find one of them trying to align the cards that seemingly prefer a separation. While it’s advisable to wait for a partner to change, some may be toxic without the other knowing. Calling it quits is not a nicety to self but a necessity.
But when one hangs onto a sinking ship, longer than he/she should, the big question arises.
Why do some people stay in toxic relationships?
Victims of toxic relationships know they deserve better but fear often cripples them. They nurse an agonizing convoy of questions on what would happen after they part, and famously, what others would say.
Many times, when people get into relationships, we assume they already have the absolute conviction about who they should spend their lifetime with. They too believe so and give us every reason to believe it too.
What we sometimes forget is, they could have been caught up in the moment, which can happen to anyone. They could’ve fallen in love with fragments of the person and blinded from seeing the whole picture.
We have long associated broken relationships with weakness in character, impatience, being choosy, weakness in faith, and/or lack of knowledge on relationships, which isn’t entirely true. What we forget, or rather, what many forget is that two mannered, patient, and educated people can be incompatible. What we also forget, conviction about compatibility comes at different stages in life; to some at the beginning of a relationship and to others, after years of living together.
What we also forget or ignore is, nobody should be ashamed of following this new spectrum of light or feel the need to tuck it away for fear of giving others a topic of discussion. Take the example of high quality forms of oil, sugar, flour and milk. If you judge the quality of oil by its miscibility with water, you might think all mines are useless. If you judge the worth of finely-ground flour with its ability to dissolve in water, you might think that millers are morons.
Those who hold onto toxic relationships cripple in fear. This fear convinces one that it’s better to have something no matter how toxic, or draining it is than to be alone. Fear convinces one that the toxic relationship is better than nothing. The sensation further convinces that having a hand in a hook and watching it bleed is better than being empty-handed. Or that drowning in an ocean with five others is better being the one sitting in the desert alone. Fear makes the victim afraid of judgmental people. Fear tells the victim to prioritize societal views.
Here’s the bomb or not. Broken relationships aren’t always the results of weakness in character, being choosy, and/or lack of knowledge on relationships. For that:
You shouldn’t be ashamed of following the new light which you could have previously ignored, or was dim to the point of not being convincing enough. You shouldn’t be ashamed of accepting that a person isn’t your life partner. You shouldn’t fear expressing your choices because the society will always have a view whether you are in a stable relationship or not. You shouldn’t shove that gut feeling away. You shouldn’t stretch yourself thin for someone who prefers a different serving. You shouldn’t hold onto the misleading claims that “it’s better than nothing”. You shouldn’t fight a battle that isn’t yours to pass the patience race.
Lastly, don’t ignore the signs. Don’t postpone your peace of mind to earn praise from a society of multiple views; you know where the shoe pinches most. Don’t let fear control you.