One of the hardest things to fathom is why some people choose some things and leave what looks appealing to others, especially life partners. This is why there are compliments such as, “you make a beautiful couple” or “you look so good together” and the critics such as, “they don’t belong together” or “how can such a beauty settle for an average-beauty?” are so common.
Few weeks ago, I woke up to a discussion about a model that got married to a farmer and now lives in a farmhouse. 95% of the debaters said it was stooping too low while the 5% said they were matters of the heart undetermined by social status or job. I’m not suggesting that all models should look for suitors in the agricultural sectors, but rather, one should be bold enough to follow the heart’s muse and defend it, especially if it’s against popular belief.
This debate reminded me of how we often look at the design and color of a building. If it’s attractive we conclude that it is ‘perfect’ and worthy of living in. It reminded me of how often we forget or ignore to ask about the state of the pillars; which are the main determinants of the worthiness of a house for use. It reminded me of how often we cling to what we see. If impressive, we assume we’re on the right path or that what we do not see is not worthy. It also reminded me of how often we rub insecurities on a wall without caring about bruising our hands. How often we associate beauty with an appealing personality.
Truth is, there is more than meets the eye. Underneath the striking beauty, there is character and personality. The aspects that even high tech cameras can’t project. Character and personality are undetermined and unaffected by external factors such as, the place of origin, race, education background, career, or physical appearance. They are the connecting or disconnecting factors and the reasons why some relationships fail and others proceed to old age.
A third party can’t comprehend the connection between two people. Regardless of how often he/she spends time with them, how long he/she has been in a relationship, how long he/she has practiced psychology, or how many intimate and casual stories he/she may have heard about either or both.
The kind of comfort you get in one person you may never get it in another. Be firm. Take chances but not to please others, seek approval, or get a spot in the social circle.
Don’t leave a person who holds your arms and has your back, for the one you think will do the same.
It is important to remember that a relationship is not a community project or a ticket to pleasing your parents. A relationship is not a tool for elevating your social status, showcasing your taste in men or women, or buying a card to some social circles. Intellect is not who you choose as a husband or wife but rather what you do with and for the people in your life, and the resources.
For that, you should not think of yourself as dumb, stupid, or having low life standards for acting contrary to popular belief. Be committed to making the relationship sensible and worthy to your partner and not others. Why? Opinions are endless. If you wait for your friends, colleagues, or parents to give you thumbs up for a partner, you may wait for the rest of your life.
Never think of marrying a school dropout or being married as the second wife, or marrying from a particular race or career as acts of stupidity. This is because when we strip off our job titles and social positions, we’re set apart by our personality. The heart is a small organ that doesn’t change its location, yet it knows its way around. I hope you will follow that path.
Finally, learn to respect people’s choices. Don’t treat anyone like a lesser human being or think of them as dumb for choosing differently.