Commonly Asked Questions About Serious Relationships

We are different. And the differences, no matter how insignificant they may seem, have an impact on the choices we make every day. That is, what we choose to work on and ignore, when we choose, the selection criteria, and the behaviour thereafter. Relationships are similar. They say opposites attract so here are a few questions you should consider.

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1. Who is an ideal partner?

An ideal partner is not the wealthiest or the poorest person you’ll meet. An ideal partner is not the most beautiful or the ugliest person in the room. An ideal partner is not the most or least fashionable person. An ideal partner is not the one who posts you in every social media platform proclaiming love. Pays for all your vacations, or wipes particles of dust before they reach your cloth.

An ideal partner is the one who accepts you wholly, grows with you, for you, and for themselves. An ideal partner doesn’t make you feel insecure or irrelevant. He/she allows you to grow in all aspects of life. An ideal partner is the one you feel most comfortable with when the world is silent, when no one cares about the internet, vacations, or the outside world. An ideal partner is not like your best friend’s partner. An ideal partner is your heart’s choice and peace. An ideal partner is your destination and the most interesting adventure.

With an ideal partner, there is comfort and happiness.

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2. How do you know that the person is the ONE?

Your heart and guts will tell you. Although at times we choose people who later choose others, a time comes and there is no doubt that whoever you are with is the one.

3. When do you know the person is the ONE?

There is no standard time for it. Sometimes it takes years of self-awareness and learning about and from each other to get the conviction. Other times, eyes meet and all the cards fall into place.

Then again, dating someone for years does not guarantee marriage thereafter. Some misunderstandings can create irreconcilable differences. With some, it’s the kiss, the right word at the right time, their reaction towards some situations, or how the personalities match.

4. When is the right time to marry?

Whenever you feel it’s the right time. It’s not after acquiring a certain amount of money, age, degrees, years of experience, wealth, or after mom’s pressure for grandkids. Although the mentioned factors need consideration, you might lose trying to have what others have. Don’t do it if you aren’t ready.

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5. What is the pillar of relationships?

There are multiple pillars for a lasting relationship and effective communication takes the lead.

P.s Nobody can read your mind so speak up.

By communicating, you know what your partner wants, when, how they want it, number of times, what they detest, why, and can eventually agree how to live harmoniously.

No matter how uncomfortable the conversation may seem to be, talk about it as openly and exhaustively as possible. Talk about the goals, success, failures, sex life, finances, and what you expect from each other.

6. What should you avoid in a relationship?

Lying and withholding information from your partner. Nobody can choose lies over brutal honesty. If something makes you uncomfortable, bring it the table and dissect to the last bit. Although there may be instances when your partner thinks you are rude or insensitive, this should not lead you to lying. They may not say a word for days or weeks. At least you’ll have a clear conscience knowing you helped them realize how they are leading their lives and how they can attain their highest and most admirable selves.

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Remember you are not irreplaceable hence; do not make your partner feel unworthy of love or unappreciated. Even though you are unique and nobody can offer what you offer in your way. Even after grand weddings, they can easily get the love they deserve elsewhere.

7. What should you definitely do in a relationship?

If you’ve decided to be in each other’s lives, know that it is no one’s responsibility to text first, call first, buy gifts, or plan surprises. As soon as you embrace that it’s every person’s obligation to create a home, everything flows smoothly.

Remember, sometimes the warrior needs to be fought for and the minute he/she realizes the unreciprocated efforts, he/ she stops trying and the couple successfully grows apart.

8. Will money have an impact on the relationship?

Money has a huge impact in the relationship (this is not code that you should marry the poorest, laziest, or richest person you can find). From the method of acquiring (inherited, lottery, earned) to spending, the couple can either break up or grow together.

Set goals, define the responsibilities, and develop a code of methods of acquiring and spending.

Few people are likely to settle with partners who engage in illegal businesses or squander the money and have no interest of mending their behaviour despite constant reminders.

Also, if only one is catering for the bills, without any form of support, they can easily opt for a break. Those who don’t spare time for their loved ones can also find themselves in a black hole of regret and nursing heartbreak.

Money can’t buy happiness in entirety. You can buy your dream car but the money cannot fill the human desire for concern and support. You can lie in bed ill, with billions in your bank account, but if no one cares to know whether your drugs are available or have taken the recommended meals, the wave of emptiness can easily engulf, and depression kick in.

With that in mind, don’t push your boyfriend or girlfriend away after attaining a specific amount of money thinking they have nothing to offer.

Money gives power. Nonetheless, your non-working or low-earning partner is not worthless. The ‘trivial’ deeds of preparing breakfast, taking care of the kids and the home are important.
Money has an impact in every stage of a relationship.

9. Whom should I approach first when tragedy strikes?

Your partner.

He or she may not know there is a pending matter in the relationship and the most unpleasant news is hearing about it from a friend, accidentally or willingly. Some people see this as not caring about the relationships but sometimes, the partner could have underestimated the impact of the pending matter on the relationship or looked at it from a different angle. Whatever it is, communicate fully and seek solutions together.

10. What is a perfect relationship?

If you mean where there are no mistakes or arguments, you won’t find any. People interpret “Perfect” in whichever way they want. Nobody is perfect. You may find that your significant other, the person who eliminates all your doubts and fears, throws dirty socks everywhere or likes too much sugar in their tea. Even those who look like they have it all together fight and make up all the time.

Are you now ready for a serious relationship?

10 Reasons Why You’re Still Single And Unhappy

One of the most popular love phrases is, “wait for someone who will love you as you are.” While there’s nothing wrong with it, there’s need for clarification for those who take the superficial meaning.

You and I are looking for someone who will love us unconditionally. Someone who will not plaster the past to our faces every time we err, or force us to do things that are harmful, demeaning, and against our principles.

But before you step into the world with the intention of seeking the right partner, for short-term or long-term goals, are YOU the right partner?
You may be beautiful, handsome, financially stable, loyal, the kind of qualities craved for in romantic partners, but you may remain single and unhappy if:

· You have a nasty attitude that you aren’t willing to change.

· You squander money by drawing inspiration from you only live once, or the misinterpreted scriptures on not worrying about tomorrow.

· You are constantly engaging in harmful behaviour. In spite of the warnings or suggestions you still don’t change

· You have poor choice of words that you aren’t willing to work on.

· You constantly vanish leaving the people who care struck by panic and worry.

· You have toxic behaviours.

· You are careless and do nothing about it.

· Your commitment to relationships is wanting. You don’t take time to nurture relationships.

· You are disrespectful because of social classes, race, origin, religion, customs, etc.

· You demean others and condone inequality and discrimination.

Now you know 😊

Fun And Flirty Gift Ideas For Her.

Love to me is the 8th wonder of the world. Imagine living in a world without love. Pathetic, isn’t it? We all struggle to find love. keeping a lady all to yourself is even more difficult. But with the provision of gifts hinged on unconditional love, I can assure you, her heart will melt for you.

Remember the last time someone got you a gift, how did you feel. Did it sweep away all the stress you had? Did it unlock your happiness? Your lady should feel the same. A gift is such good fun that it can make a lady project all her love for you. Below are the three types of gifts that will make her heart blend to yours quickly.

Gadgets

Underneath the tight schedules that sometimes come with a new day, your lady needs the comfort of a wonderful phone. Don’t forget, we live in a world that technology is awed at and appreciated greatly.

Mobile phones are a complete escape from reality. They’ll guarantee your lover ample time to chat with you and as if that won’t be enough, you’ll even frame a video call. One that will let both your heart sink in affection and satisfaction. And if you are to get her one, make sure the camera megapixel is on the high end.

I bet you’ll want her to send you pictures of her beautiful smooth face and her perfect soft lips.

2.A gorgeous dress.

We all know ladies prefer dresses. Consider her taste when buying the dress. Go for the colour she likes. The moment she’ll slide her petite body into the dress she’ll see the colour of your love painted all over it. She’ll walk knowing your love for her outdoes all.

3.Custom necklace or jewelry

If you want the air around your lady to feel like a wall of love then surprise her with an ornate customized necklace. Ladies love unique gifts.

A customized necklace bearing both your names will make her feel adorned and adored. She’ll move with grace and strength. You would have prettified her and she’ll love you for that.

You don’t have to be from northern America, Probably from the heart of Mexico for you to prove to a woman that you love her. Love her but don’t lust over her. Surprise her with gifts and who knows, you could be our next Romeo.

Bottled Up Feelings

It’s okay not to be okay. A phrase we’ve heard so many times its meaning has become meaningless to us. We’re still in that cocoon. Afraid to let others in, and when we actually decide to talk, our story is shared with every Tom, Dick and whoever the other guy was. We end up lonely, depressed and thoughts, ugly self-harming thoughts, terrorise our already hurt hearts

Mercy, my good friend, loved Peter. She had planned a life with him. They planned to visit places once they started making some real cash. Where they would settle down together and can you believe they even had names for their future kids? They were dumb, quite deep and very much in love.

Ever felt like you were meant to be with someone? How everything about you blend in together to make that perfect, thirst quenching cocktail? Ha! That’s how they were. I really wanted to have that kind of relationship.
Sadly, just like most romantic movies, they broke up. It’s weird how we tell ourselves that some things will not break our tiny hearts. How we lie to ourselves to get through some heart breaks, losses and even betrayals by those we hold dear.

“I didn’t even like him.” “I don’t need her to survive.” “Am independent, for crying out loud!”

We end up posting Bible motivational verses. Some celebrity affirmation quotes on our social media platforms just to show the world that we’re fine. Knowing very well that our hearts are broken and we are definitely not fine.
My mum likes reminding me “A problem shared is a problem half solved.”

Let me wind up Mercy and her guy’s story. You see, unlike a romantic movie, they didn’t get back together. Mercy was torn up. Mood level at zero, slowly by slowly she let out her feelings, she said “Were it not for my aunt, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” When it comes to heartbreaks, a problem shared is a problem solved.
On the other hand James decided to be strong. To be fine for the cameras, on cloud nine.

Bottled feelings will never disappear. They’ll eat you up and if you don’t do anything, just like Mercy’s ex, you might end up hurting yourself .Yes, he hurt himself. Tried suicide and if his brother entered his room a minute late, he would be dead.

Most of us are like him. We bottle things up, sometimes cry ourselves to sleep and lie just to seem okay. We need to change. We have to change. So let’s try opening up to live a healthier and happier life. There is so much more that life has in stored for us.

3 Things I Wish I Could Do Well

There’s one rule in life. Nobody’s perfect. Not even her majesty Angela Basset or our good lord Beyoncé. Nobody. Unless, you’re Japanese then yes, you have to be top notch by any means. You don’t know excellence until you’ve met Japanese people. They take their time and whatever they make is out of this world amazing. There’s no room for mistakes or second chances. Their attention to detail is quite impressive. So yeah, besides them, nobody’s perfect.

I know am not perfect but there are few things I wish I could do well.

First, my art work. Growing up I’ve always loved art. So it was only natural that I began drawing and making sketches, whenever I could. When I came across pictures in books and magazine I would try and draw something similar. This way, my skills developed and my love for art grew tremendously. Sometimes, during one of those never ending classes, I would sketch something in the back of my books to pass time. I can’t say am a master in art but my work is pretty decent. I’m currently learning how to use Adobe illustrator. It’s actually harder than it looks but I’m getting there. Maybe in a few years, my art would make it in an art gallery and sell for a million dollars. Lupita Nyong’o said my dreams are valid and I believe her.

Secondly, dance. Am ashamed to admit, am an African who can’t dance. I may have African blood running through my veins but that’s it. I’m like Swahili pilau without the spices. I know I should revoke my African card because I lack rhythm. This sister cannot shaku. This sister cannot odi. This sister cannot makossa. This sister cannot dance to save her life. If armed robbers broke into my house and demanded I dance or die. I would turn this robbery into a homicide.

I bet every time I hit the dance floor my ancestors deny me and hide in shame.

Lastly, it’s about my dating life. Simply put, it stinks. It stinks so badly. Whenever I look at my dating life it’s almost like am into to the same type of guy. The unavailable ones, the ones who are still ‘finding themselves’ and the lets be friends’ type of guys.

Whatever happened to men making all the right moves to get the girl, moving in together and living happily ever after? I miss those days when people went out on dates to find marriage partners. Maybe we should bring that back. Honestly, I wish my dating life was much better than this.

There goes three things I wish I could do well.

Idris Elba Marries Sabrina Dhowre in Morocco

He liked it, so he put a ring on it.

Idris Elba and his long time girlfriend, Sabrina Dhowre are officially married!

The lovely couple exchanged vows on April 26 at the Ksar Char Bagh hotel in Marrakech, according to Vogue.They first met in 2017. Elba was filming his movie ‘The Mountain Between Us’ in Canada. They later got engaged in February 10, 2018, at a screening of Elba’s directorial debut, Yardie, at the Rio Cinema in London.

Elba got on one knee and proposed. The same guy who at some point said he’s never getting married. So its nice to see him marry the love of his life.We all thought we would marry him.

Elba wore a custom Ozwald Boateng suit while Dhowre wore a custom off shoulder, A-line gown by Vera Wang.

“The celebrations have been spread out over three days. Friends and family attended a “colours of the Souk” themed dinner the night before the wedding at the Amanjena. On April 27, they will attend an all-white party at the Mandarin Oriental, which will emulate the atmosphere of a festival,” Vogue reports.

The happy couple, at their wedding.

Photo Credit: @britishvogue |
@seanthomas_photo

We wish them many more fruitful and happy years together.